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02-02-25 - FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WHO FOLLOW - Ephesians 5:15-33 - MESSAGE BY PASTOR ROB INRIG FROM BETHANY BAPTIST IN RICHMOND, BC

Writer's picture: Lou HernándezLou Hernández

Updated: Feb 4



I invite you to pray with me, Father God hear our prayer, and we humbly cry to you as it is written in your word, Lucas 11:9:” I tell you Keep asking, and it will given to you, Keep seeking,  and you will find, Keep knocking, and it will be open to you)”  We are requesting healing for our dear members of our family and also dear friends who are suffering from illnesses in their lives fighting and suffering under a lot of pain, You know them by their names; (Gaby P, Vicky O, Nancy R, Tere G, Liz N, Stevie A, Socrates D, Sara's mom H, Margarita G, Fega G,  Rosy Ch, Patricia L.)  Also, some of them are tired of spiritual struggles, losing their faith in you, Strengthening their trust in you with a miracle in their lives, oh! Father God, hear our prayer, and we also pray for all the people around the world, especially the children who are suffering from wars, devastation, hunger, pain, hate and disbelieving in you also, bless the ones who are reading this message and their families.  Heal the Land of those Countries at war; you love them so much, oh Father God, hear our prayer, we ask you in the name of Our Lord of Lords and King of Kings, your beloved son Jesus Christ. AMEN!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

God the Father, we thank you for your answer to our prayers with 

The good news, with the recovery of health for some

Strengthen them so that they may regain their faith in you

And that they may be witnesses that you love them and 

that you respond when we trust and believe in you

Thank you Father God in the name

of Jesus our Lord of Lords and King of Kings

Praise be to your name

always and forever, AMEN.

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This morning’s passage has in it a significant ‘how to’ on how to make our relationships work but to many what’s presented is troubling. Because of that, it is often approached with a highlight pen and scissors - the pen underscoring the parts we like, the scissors cutting away the parts we don’t  


More often than not our difficulties get mired in a verse in Ephesians 5 where teaching has been misapplied and misused. Specifically, Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord :22 Ripped from its greater context used as a stand-alone truth, what’s been held to has resulted in much pain in its promotion of relational imbalance. We’ll get into that a little later. 


Remember as Paul begins this chapter, he makes it clear, as Christians we are to IMITATE CHRIST then which is partially defined in: 5:1 live a life of love; 5:8 live a life of light and 5:15 live a life of wisdom.  Paul wants us to know these aren’t heart-warming platitudes, ‘Be nice, be happy and live well’, he is laying down the foundation of a great relationship.  


Remember who is speaking – a man who for much of his life has been driven by hate, a zealot who imprisoned and persecuted Christians. He also was a recipient of this kind of hatred.  So no ivory tower belief in the goodness of man, no   un-calloused  hands.  This man has lived in the trenches. 


So gritty up the context and dirty up the pages on which these pages are written.  Seemingly he begins the section we are about to read, laying its foundation in verse 18.  And do not get drunk with wine ... but be filled with the Spirit. While this verse is central to what he has to say, he actually begins his paragraph where we began last week, Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore don’t be foolish.  This to say, live differently – in the way you talk, in the way you think, in the way you behave.  Clean up.  Quit playing the part of the fool. Instead act in ways that are wise, in ways that honor and build up, especially with those closest to you.  


But here’s the problem – understanding how you SHOULD be is not the same as knowing HOW you CAN be.  This is particularly true for those who have been raised in homes where growing up was ugly.  Words that attacked, actions that ripped apart, in some cases, abuse that crushed. For some, substances contributing to the pain.  For others, generational legacies of dysfunction, hidden behind smiling faces that you knew were totally untrue.   


Which brings us back to :18, Do not get drunk with wine,.. but be filled with the Spirit. God’s point? that our lives need a greater power than we possess for our lives to be truly  different.  Not different simply in the things we don’t so but different in the things that we are called to do.  This phrase, Be filled isn’t helpful for what is to come, it’s imperative for what is to come, IT FRAMING, DESCRIBING AND CONTEXTUALIZING the things Paul will go on to say that we are looking at today.   


As noted last week, the first thing to notice is that being filled with the Spirit is a command.  That if we want to be empowered to live as God intended, we need His Spirit to control us.  In this, Paul giving us a brief view of what the Spirit filled, Jesus centered life should look like characterized by: a desire to live guided by God’s truth, having hearts that are filled with songs of praise and having attitudes that are centered on thankfulness.  Then a fourth characteristic giving evidence of the Spirit presence, submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ :21. I held off on looking at that until today because without being centered here, we can quickly step into relational abuse.


SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST   :21


This tells us a Spirit filled life is a submitted to one another life as we follow Christ.  So, if our lives are marked by dictate and demand, we are walking out of step with God.  If our eyes are fixed on others and what they should do, we are walking out of step with God.  If our predisposition is to control, ‘they’ bending to my will, we are walking out of step with God.  Instead if we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will be filled with humility that serves, that prefers, that values, that elevates, that loves.  What I am to do.


Let’s be honest, submission doesn’t come naturally.  We aren’t wired that way or at least because of sin, we haven’t been re-wired back to what God designed in His original creation. Scripture reminds us that, All creation groans.  In other words, everything is out of whack from what was intended – our natural world, our relational world, our spiritual world.


Satan’s fall came about because of his refusal to submit to God; and he in turn tempts us to follow in his footsteps. His message is simple - assert don’t bow. Elevate don’t deflate.  Bow to no one; submit to no one.  It’s because of this we are told, God hates pride, that it is, an abomination to Him Prov 6:16,17;16:6.  And yet God’s call: Submit to one another IN REVERENCE TO CHRIST.  


Before diving into the waters that follow, it’s important to understand a couple of things about Greek grammar.  The first is that in NT Greek there are no periods, commas, no verses, no paragraphs, and no section headings. So when Paul wrote, there was no split between :21 and 22.  In addition, in Greek if one sentence has the same verb as the preceding sentence, there is no need to repeat the verb.  So a closer translation of these verses reads, 


Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ [and, as a first example,] wives, … to your own husband.


Verse 21’s ‘one another’ first tells me that husbands and wives are to live out Christ, mutually submissive. Rom 12:10 tells us we are to, Prefer one another in love. Phil 2:3 tells us, In humility count others more significant than  yourselves.  The husband no more possesses his wife than she possesses him. He has no superiority and she no inferiority. They belong to each other in an absolute equality. 

That said, God does say the husband is the head of the wife :23. Our difficulty is in understanding what that means. I believe that God does call men to be the spiritual leader of their home. That it’s not good enough to have your wife be the one who runs after God while men are saving their passion for their favourite sports team, working on their latest project or even chasing careers. 


But how are we to understand this matter of headship?   In Paul's day, in the Roman-Greco world a public role of women did not exist.  Women were excluded from Roman citizenship.  Husbands had all the financial advantages and virtually all the education.  He could do whatever he wanted in legal affairs without her consent. Before she could buy or sell property or even make a will she had to get her husband's permission. If he wanted a divorce, he just did, a wife had no legal rights.  


That philosopher so many admire, Aristotle, described women as ‘deformed males’. He stated, “The male is by nature superior and the female inferior, the male ruler and the female subject… The courage of a man lies in commanding, a woman's lies in obeying;”  Admittedly Aristotle, who is raised up by many as the epitome of wisdom, did concede that while, “women were subject to men, they were higher than slaves.”  Really?


In Ephesians 5, Paul introduces a radically different view of relationships, challenging a culture that gave men unlimited power. It said, Use your ‘power’ for the benefit of the other person – by serving, by loving, by preferring.  In essence he says to husbands, ‘Yes, you've got authority, but this authority is very different from what you’ve known.’  What Paul asks the husband to do is actually harder than what he asks the wife to do. He asks the wife to show respect and submit; he asks the husband to die.  The point is NOT superiority, it is functionality. 1 Cor 11:3, The head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Is Jesus less than God the Father? I and the Father are one Jn 10:30. Nope, yet Jesus submitting Himself to the Father.


Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her :25, that's a sanitized way of saying, Jesus chose to submit Himself to the whip, the thorns, the nails and tomb for our benefit.  


Husbands, you want a life that works?  You want a marriage that is filled with love?  You want a home that is filled with joy?  THEN die to yourself.  Quit dictating.  Quit controlling and quit demanding.  Die!  Put aside your rights, so the other can experience life as God intended it to be.  Our way of living to be nothing like what Aristotle had to say.  Nothing like what his teacher, Satan promotes in order to hurt and destroy. That said, is how we are called to live easy? Hardly. We are going to mess up, we are going to act in ways that fall so incredibly short. And God’s answer, repent and ask for His help.  Make it right with her, not to get off the hook but to live differently – with the Spirit’s help.     


Paul describes this headship as acting the same as Christ who is the head of the church. Seen in 6 ways:  Saviour of the church, Lover of the church, Sacrificial giver for the church, Purifier of the church, Radiance maker of the church, and the Nourisher & cherisher of the church.    


Saviour of the church :23


To understand this, we need to come back to how women were seen – no rights, no voice, no authority.  By nature of birth, valued little better than a slave. Lost with no identity.  As were we until a Saviour came willing to give all - in order to rescue us so we could stand in the incomparable value He declared.  Chosen, loved, valued.  A Saviour who said you are created for so much more.  

So too – be a husband that rescues from the lies.  A saviour not because he is greater but because he acts in humility not elevation – certainly in ways the Roman-Greco culture saw as ‘less’ and as our culture often sees as less.  A husband who saves from a culture that uses and objectifies.  A husband who encourages and affirms.  A husband who speaks value and honor.  Think of it, what does it say about the worth of a woman, that a man who does some heroic act in this life will be rewarded with 70 virgins in the next?  That is NOT the way of the gospel of Jesus. 


Lover of the church :25 Jesus so loved While we were still sinners, Christ died for us  Rom 5:8


Moses Mendelssohn, grandfather of composer Felix Mendelssohn, was a hunchback. When young, he was visiting a friend who had a beautiful daughter named Frumtje. Mendelssohn loved her, but frightened by his appearance, she avoided him. On the last day of his visit, he went to say goodbye.  As he stood near, she pretended to be busy and never looked up. To Mendelssohn, her face seemed to glow with an almost celestial radiance. He tried to make conversation, eventually getting to what he really wanted to say.


Do you believe marriages are made in heaven?” he asked. She answered, “Yes I do. Do you?” Mendelssohn’s reply was, “Yes, of course.” He went on, “You see, in heaven at the birth of each boy, the Lord calls out, ‘This boy should get this girl for a wife, and that boy should marry that girl.’ 


When I was born, the Lord also said, ‘But alas, his wife will have a terrible hump.’ At that moment I called out and said, ‘Oh Lord,  a girl who is humpbacked would be a great tragedy. Please, Lord, give the hump to me and let her be beautiful.’” Frumtje’s heart was deeply moved. She stretched out her hand for Mendelssohn’s and later became his wife. 


  • a husband who initiates love. A husband who pursues not to get a wife but who pursues affirming the value of his wife.  A husband who dwells on the things that are truly worthy. A husband who chooses to see what is worthy of value.  1 Cor 13 love     


Sacrificial giver for the church   :25


Jesus who gave Himself up: taking the guilt that was ours, taking the punishment that was ours, and taking the sin that was ours so we wouldn’t have to.  Taking the blows that belonged to us as we ‘hide’ in His righteousness.


That is the sacrificial love husbands are to demonstrate – protecting.  Defending rather than exposing.  Where appropriate, taking the blows of criticism and attack.  Caring – so her value stays untarnished, so her worth is never diminished.  Totally antithetical in a ‘me first’ culture but totally God pleasing in a God honoured life.


I learned early in life that if there were a mortal sin in my family’s life as we 3 boys grew up, it was to NEVER talk back to our mom.  That was close to the unpardonable sin.  To do so would mean immediately dealing with our dad because he stood in front ensuring that her worth was never dishonoured. Did that mean she was incapable of standing up for herself?  Not in any way but if you as a husband stand silent, allowing demeaning or disrespectful words to be said, your passivity is doing an immense  injustice to her and to your children. As a husband your responsibility is to be a huge promoter of her worth.    


Purifier – making presentation ready   :26


That He (Jesus) might sanctify her (His Church), having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.  Here Paul uses ‘bride-to-be’ language.  Someone with whom He had made a covenant.  That He might sanctify and cleanse her — removing the things that dirty.  That speak lie.  That devalue.  That wound.  Instead getting her presentation ready, Washing her with the truth.  And that truth?


What Paul states in chapter 1 - You are: Chosen, Adopted, Forgiven, Beneficiary of Christ’s Inheritance.  This is who we as believers are in Jesus.  This is the value we have.  Yet we have been dirtied with the lies of Satan who speaks lesser value. Lies that pollute and corrupt.  Words that devalue or condemn.  Images that say we have value depending how we look, how we are shaped, how we do.  


Instead of hearing Chosen – you’ve heard ‘discarded’; instead of Adopted you’ve heard ‘unloved’, instead of Forgiven you’ve heard ‘unworthy’, instead of Beneficiary you’ve heard ‘orphan’, instead of Loved you’ve heard ‘not enough’.


But Christ washes off the labels that have stained with lie, so, That He might present His bride to himself — purified, renewed, and adorned, as a bride prepared for her husband, glorious and pleasing in His sight :27 

    

What this husband is called to – to see, affirm and call forth true identity. To wash away the things of the past that have held back and held down. To wash away identities that use and objectify.  To wash away failures and wrongs held onto.  All for the purposes of her splendour to shine forth.


Radiance maker of the church :27


– to affirm and call forth beauty.   In Esther 2:12 tells us that, “Before each young woman was taken to the king's bed, she was given the prescribed twelve months of beauty treatments -- six months with oil of myrrh, followed by six months with special perfumes and ointments.”  The bride would have been bathed, purified, perfumed, richly clothed, and adorned with jewels. 


Husband affirming beauty that brings radiance to your wife.  Not talking about a Sparkling Hills spa package retreat, though I doubt she’d complain.  Rather to speak the praise that so often stays unspoken.  To acknowledge the radiance of unselfish love where she SO often puts others in front of herself, quietly doing the everyday things without any expectation of notice or praise. She often balancing a work life and a home life. Yet still serving while you’re out seeking reputation or recreation. To embrace, just because.  To hold, just because.  To smile, just because. To leave a note, just because.  In other words, doing acts that elevate and affirm

Nourisher & cherisher of the church :29


This does not mean the man taking first seat in all things.  If she is more skilled with finances, then that area given over to her.  If she outshines your organizational skills, let her lead.  Her skills and wisdom acknowledged.  She cherished and honoured.  When you as a man lead your wife, you are leading her to depend on Christ, not on you.  Her value held high.  


THIS is the headship husbands are to imitate.  More than that, Paul says this is the type of love husbands are COMMANDED to give.  I readily admit, I fall woefully short.  


It’s a demonstration of love that gives a radically different understanding of relationship from anything the Ephesians knew. Their view was that wives were compelled to submit as a recognition of their inferiority.  God’s view was of a wife who willing submitted as an act of love in reverence to Christ. This pictured again with Jesus described as the Bridegroom returning for His Bride, the church.


Interestingly Paul does not command wives to love, their command is to respect. He knows that when the type of love he has been talking about is present, wives have no difficulty giving love.  But for those raised in or living in a culture that has abused, demeaned and objectified, giving respect is a HUGE challenge.  How do you respect those who dominate and devalue?  How do you respect the self-serving, the self-absorbed, the self-indulgent? 


In this environment, certain responses arise: one is passive resignation. Why fight what you cannot win? Hopeless and resentful those who should be loved go through the motions but are dead inside.


Another response is to resist and rebel – all the while being careful to keep out of harm’s way. By subtle digs and quiet non-compliance, these looking for ways to undermine the one who wants to control and dominate.  However and whenever possible, you make your husband's life miserable. 


Yet another is seizing what has been denied you. Manipulating and taking, certainly not submitting.  The problem is when both seek to be head, the only thing that follows is destruction. 


But that behaviour is little different than the ones who abuse.  To these Paul says, “If you want a marriage where love flows?  Die to yourself.  Be one who is committed to respect.  See and speak the good.  Praise rather than peck. Affirm the good you’ve long overlooked, you’ve long forgotten.


Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear  Eph 4:29


DOES THIS MEAN SUBJECTING OURSELVES TO ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR AND STAYING IN SITUATIONS THAT ARE INJURIOUS?  DOES IT MEAN REMAINING PASSIVELY SILENT WHEN LIVES ARE BEING DESTROYED?  DOES IT MEAN RESPECTING BEHAVIOUR THAT IS HARMFUL AND WRONG?  EMPHATICALLY, IT DOES NOT!  


What submission does mean, is that I voluntarily lay aside my demands in order to benefit the other.  It is serving not demanding.  It is laying aside power and our need to control. 


Instead, out of reverence for Christ, I'll use my power instead to serve the other.  It means

instead of fighting every step of the way, that where possible, I will find ways to demonstrate respect.  It means willing to let go of culturally shaped roles that are not biblically shaped roles.


 Why?  Because we are called to, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit rather, in humility valuing others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  And in your relationships with one another, having the same mindset as Christ Jesus.  Phil 2:2-4


A tall order for both husbands and wives which circles us back to where we began that our need to be filled with the Spirit is an imperative not just some helpful advice.  Only with the Holy Spirit’s help can we be Christ imitators, empowered as Spirit filled followers of Jesus so that our relationships will be filled with attractive and compelling love and so others will see and want this amazing transforming work of Christ.










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